We Can Change The Shadows We Carry

Change is one of the most constant forces in life. Yet, when it comes to changing ourselves, we often hesitate. We resist growth, convinced that our habits, traits, or ways of thinking are set in stone. It's easy to look at the past and think, “I am who I am, and that's all there is to it.” We tell ourselves that we are too old, too set in our ways, or too tired to change. But the truth is, the desire to improve ourselves is not bound by age, circumstance, or time. If we truly want to change, the only thing standing in our way is the belief that we can’t.

"I’m too old to change." How many times have you heard this statement, or even thought it yourself? This mindset often emerges from the misconception that growth is only for the young or those with the right opportunities. It’s a limiting belief that suffocates potential and holds us back from becoming the best versions of ourselves.

The reality is, no one is ever "too old" to change. The human capacity for growth is limitless, and it has nothing to do with age. Change is not about erasing the past; it’s about understanding it, learning from it, and evolving into someone who can take the lessons from yesterday and use them to build a better tomorrow. The only true obstacle to change is the refusal to embrace it.

In order to change, we must first understand ourselves — particularly our flaws. We all have them. Whether it’s impatience, insecurity, defensiveness, procrastination, or anything else, these flaws are not permanent parts of us. They are simply patterns of behaviour that have developed over time and may no longer serve us.

The key to improvement is not in denying our flaws, but in identifying them. By recognising what triggers our negative habits or reactions, we can begin to understand why they happen and what we can do to change them. If we react defensively in certain situations, for example, we can trace back those moments to see where the root cause lies — perhaps insecurity or fear of being misunderstood. By addressing the root cause, we can begin to break the cycle of unhealthy reactions and replace them with more constructive ones.

Self-awareness is the cornerstone of self-improvement. When we become truly aware of our behaviours, triggers, and thought patterns, we can start to shift them. Change doesn’t happen overnight, and it certainly doesn’t happen by accident. It requires active effort, introspection, and the willingness to face uncomfortable truths about ourselves. But once we acknowledge our flaws, we empower ourselves to take action.

It’s important to remember that self-awareness doesn’t mean self-criticism. Recognising areas of improvement isn’t about beating ourselves up or feeling ashamed of who we are. It's about understanding that our flaws are part of being human — they are not our identity, but rather opportunities for growth. Every flaw we identify is an opportunity to become better, to be kinder, to be more effective in our personal and professional lives.

The real work comes in taking action. It’s not enough to simply recognise our flaws and hope they disappear. Lasting change requires deliberate effort, practice, and patience. If we know we have a tendency to interrupt others in conversations, for example, we can practice active listening. If we struggle with procrastination, we can break tasks into smaller, more manageable steps and commit to deadlines.

The process of change involves setting intentions and being consistent in our actions. It’s about making small, everyday choices that align with the person we want to become. Every time we choose to react differently, every time we break a negative habit, we are becoming better versions of ourselves.

The journey of self-improvement isn’t always easy. Our minds are often resistant to change because it feels uncomfortable. We may encounter setbacks, old habits may resurface, and the road to change may seem long. But here's the truth: change is always worth it. Becoming better is not a linear path — it’s full of twists and turns, but each step forward is a victory.

The resistance to change often comes from fear — fear of failure, fear of the unknown, or fear of confronting our flaws. But it’s important to remember that change is not about perfection. It’s about progress. And even the smallest step toward improvement is a step in the right direction.

While we have control over our own growth and self-improvement, it's important to recognise that we don't have power over others' choices. Just as we can choose to better ourselves, others must make that decision for themselves. This can sometimes be difficult to accept, especially when we see loved ones or colleagues who seem stuck in their ways, unwilling to change or grow. We may even feel frustrated, wishing we could "fix" them or encourage them to change, but the reality is that change only happens when someone is ready for it.

Each person is on their own unique journey, and we cannot force growth upon them. The desire to change must come from within. It’s something that no amount of advice, encouragement, or urging can truly instigate unless the individual is open and willing to embrace it.

In these moments, it’s crucial to remember the importance of holding our power over our emotions and reactions, regardless of others' behaviour. Just as we choose to change ourselves, we must also choose how we respond to others. If we find ourselves frustrated or disappointed by someone’s refusal to grow, we must resist the urge to react in a way that compromises our own progress.

In one of my previous blogs*, I discussed the significance of emotional resilience and how it empowers us to navigate difficult situations with grace and strength. It's not always easy, but the ability to manage our emotions, regardless of how others behave, is one of the most powerful tools we have. Instead of reacting negatively when we see others resisting change, we can focus on maintaining our own emotional balance, setting healthy boundaries, and modelling positive behaviour.

At the end of the day, we cannot control others, but we can control how we choose to engage with them. Our energy is best spent focusing on our own growth and allowing others to take their own steps when they are ready. Letting go of the need to change others frees us to direct our attention toward continuing our own journey of self-improvement, without unnecessary emotional burdens.

Ultimately, whether or not we change is a choice. A grown person who says, "I'm too old, I cannot change now," is not speaking about the inability to change; they are expressing a refusal to change. Growth isn’t about reaching a point where we are “finished.” It’s about continuously learning, adapting, and improving.

We all have the power to improve ourselves, to break free from old patterns, and to work toward becoming better — not tomorrow, but today. It requires self-awareness, determination, and the courage to face our flaws. But the rewards of personal growth are immeasurable: greater peace, stronger relationships, and a more fulfilling life.

So, let’s embrace the journey of change. Let’s stop holding ourselves back with excuses and limitations. We are never too old to become better, to learn more, and to create the life we truly want.

The only thing standing between who we are and who we want to be is the willingness to change. And that choice is ours.

‘Till next time…

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*Reclaim Your Power: How to Stop Letting Others Control You: https://gogutonii.wixsite.com/website/post/reclaim-your-power-how-to-stop-letting-others-control-you