Reclaim Your Power: How to Stop Letting Others Control You

Let’s be real—other people can be unpredictable, and not always in the best way. Someone cuts you off in traffic, snaps at you for no reason, or delivers a backhanded compliment at a family dinner. Moments like these can send our emotions spiraling, often leaving us feeling powerless.

But here’s the truth: You are not powerless.

No matter what’s happening around you, there is always a part of the situation you can control. You can’t control what someone else says or does, but you can control how you respond. The problem is, many of us don’t fully realise this. Instead, we let other people’s actions dictate how we feel. If someone’s rude, we’re upset. If someone praises us, we’re happy. It’s a rollercoaster ride where the controls aren’t in your hands.

Think about it: The moment your peace depends on how someone else acts, you’ve handed them the keys to your happiness. It’s as if you’re saying, “Here, you decide how I feel today.” That’s a dangerous place to be. You’re putting your emotional well-being in the hands of people who might not even care how you feel—or worse, might enjoy messing with it.

This doesn’t mean you have to be a stone-cold robot who doesn’t care about what anyone says. Emotional independence is about reclaiming your power so that no one else can disrupt your inner peace without your permission.

You might be thinking, “But I’m just not that kind of person. I don’t have thick skin.” That’s okay. Emotional strength isn’t something you’re born with—it’s something you can learn. And honestly, it’s not about “thick skin” at all. It’s about having tools to manage your emotions so they don’t run wild every time someone presses your buttons.

If you need proof that this is possible, just look at history. Take Frida Kahlo. She endured unimaginable pain—physically and emotionally—but she channeled her struggles into art. She didn’t let heartbreak or hardship define her. Instead, she took her pain and turned it into power, creating paintings that still resonate with people today.

Let’s take a look at what you can do to stay in control, from a more practical perspective:

1. Take a Pause Before Reacting | The next time someone says something hurtful or irritating, pause. Don’t respond immediately. Count to five, breathe, and ask yourself: Is this worth my energy? Nine times out of ten, it isn’t.

   
   

2. Practice Emotional Detachment | Imagine you’re watching the situation like a movie. Picture yourself as an outsider looking in. This mental trick creates space between you and the emotion, making it easier to stay calm.

   
   

3. Reframe the Situation | Instead of thinking, “Why are they treating me like this?” ask yourself, “What does this say about them?” Most of the time, people’s behaviour reflects their own struggles, not yours.

   
   

4. Invest in Self-Awareness | Start paying attention to what triggers you. Is it a particular tone of voice? Feeling dismissed? When you know your triggers, you can prepare for them and respond differently next time.

   
   

5. Build Your Inner Strength | Practice affirmations or journaling to remind yourself of your worth. The more grounded you are in your sense of self, the less anyone else’s opinion can shake you.

Now, for a personal story. I still remember the time when a comment from a dear friend really got to me. It wasn’t meant to hurt, but it struck a nerve and left me questioning myself for days. The fact that it came from someone I cared about, only made it worse. I replayed the words over and over in my head, analysing every angle, wondering if they were right about me.

This can happen to anyone, especially when the source is someone close to us. Their words carry more weight because we value their opinions. But one day, as I was sitting with these swirling thoughts, I realised something: My friend had no idea I was still thinking about it. They had likely moved on, while I was allowing myself to wallow in negative emotions.

That moment was a wake-up call. I wasn’t just reacting to their words—I was choosing to hold onto them. By doing so, I was giving the comment more power than it deserved. Once I recognised that, I started letting go. It wasn’t easy, but it was freeing.

The experience taught me an important lesson: While we can’t stop others from saying things that hurt, we can stop ourselves from living in the shadow of those words.

Learning to control your emotions doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process, and you’ll slip up sometimes. But with practice, you’ll start to notice a shift. You’ll feel calmer, stronger, and less reactive.

You’ll realise that you don’t need thick skin to handle the world—you just need to trust your ability to rise above it. Because here’s the thing: No one else gets to decide how you feel. That power has always been yours.

‘Till next time…