The Burden of Resilience

Have you ever been told how resilient you are? Not in admiration, not as a testament to your strength, but as a way to justify everything you've been asked to endure?

Resilience is often framed as a compliment, yet so many times, it carries an undertone of dismissal. It’s easy to praise someone for their ability to keep going, but much harder to acknowledge the weight they’ve been carrying. Workplaces can sometimes fall into this pattern—leaning on the most dedicated individuals without fully recognising the effort behind their consistency.

But what happens when resilience stops being a strength and becomes an expectation? When the ability to handle pressure leads to even more pressure? When support is replaced by assumptions—assumptions that you will always manage, always deliver, always take on more?

In many organisations, the most reliable people are not the ones who receive the most recognition; they are the ones who are expected to push through without complaint. Their workload is not assessed—it is simply assumed they can handle it. And when they finally speak up? Their concerns can sometimes be met with surprise, as if their struggles were never visible to begin with.

One of the most damaging habits in any workplace is comparing workloads. “If they can handle it, why can’t you?” “They worked late last night, so maybe you should too.” These unspoken (or sometimes spoken) expectations create an unhealthy culture where success is measured by exhaustion rather than effectiveness.

But workload is not a competition. People have different capacities based on their roles, expertise, and personal circumstances. A task that is manageable for one person may be overwhelming for another—not because they are less capable, but because their plate is already full in ways that may not be immediately visible.

A good leader recognises this. Leadership is not about assigning work based on who looks like they can handle it but about assessing the team’s realistic capacity. And if the team has no members who can take on a project without risking burnout, it is the leader’s responsibility to step back and ask:

• Can this project wait?

• Can priorities be shifted?

• Do we need additional resources before moving forward?

Pushing a team beyond its limits is not leadership—it’s mismanagement. A team’s success is not measured by how much pressure it can endure, but by how effectively it can deliver without sacrificing well-being.

Not all leaders recognise this distinction. Some genuinely care, mentor, and uplift others. But too often, leadership is given to those more interested in control than in development.

You’ve seen them before. The ones who micromanage instead of trusting. The ones who withhold opportunities because they fear being outshined. The ones who twist narratives, spreading just enough doubt about someone’s reputation to keep them from rising too fast.

This kind of leadership is not about guiding teams. It’s about preserving power.

And if you are someone who works hard, someone who delivers, someone who thinks—then at some point, you may find yourself in their line of fire.

If you’ve ever felt overlooked or undervalued, here are some things to keep in mind:

1. Recognise Where Your Value Comes From | Resilience is admirable, but it is not the only thing that defines your worth. Your ability to think critically, to innovate, to collaborate—these are the qualities that truly set you apart. If you find yourself in an environment where only your endurance is recognised, it may be time to shift the narrative.

2. Make Your Contributions Visible | The reality is, hard work doesn’t always speak for itself. If you don’t advocate for your own efforts, it’s easy for them to go unnoticed. Keep track of your achievements, highlight your impact, and don’t be afraid to remind others of the value you bring.

3. Set Boundaries Without Guilt | Being dependable doesn’t mean being endlessly available. The most effective professionals know when to step up, but also when to step back. Establishing limits isn’t about saying no to responsibility—it’s about ensuring that your efforts are sustainable in the long run.

At the end of the day, resilience should be a strength, not a survival strategy. Work should challenge us, but it should also support us. Leadership should guide us, not control us. And success should never come at the cost of well-being.

So if you ever find yourself in a position to influence change, whether now or in the future, be the kind of leader who builds trust, recognises effort, and makes space for others to grow.

Because resilience is powerful—but it shouldn’t be a requirement for being seen.

And when your time comes, be the leader you wish you had.

‘Till next time…