Does Loneliness Bring Awareness? (part 2)

You’re alone in your study/office. You’ve been staring at the opened document in your laptop, not really reading what it says, just thinking about possibly everything else except the work you have to do. You are very aware that you’re quietly alone, yet, do not feel one bit lonely. You’re calm, happy, thinking about what you want, not rushing yourself, not working on something you don’t want to, enjoying the quiet gift of solitude. You have chosen to be alone, you have found a place where you can explore your life while only being able to hear some birds chirping here and there. You start to draw a contrast between the current scene, and how you were just a few weeks ago. In the same physical space, yet in a completely different mental one; lonely AND feeling very alone. Needing to talk to someone, or just hear a human being breathing calmly while keeping you company, yet not having anyone there. The crushing feeling of undeniable deafening silence weighing down your chest while your mind is desperately trying to justify the reason you’re alone, with a more calming answer than just “I have no one to keep me company”. See how these two very different pictures, set in the same physical setting, can bestow two completely opposite reactions in our mind? I’m sure everyone has experienced both, at different times during their lifetime; we’re able to immediately distinguish between the two.

As Henry Nouwen so beautifully and clearly puts it, “Instead of running away from our loneliness and trying to forget or deny it, we have to protect it and turn it into a fruitful solitude.” (Reaching Out) So, loneliness, however crushing or painful it may be(come), can still be turned into a helpful element in our lives: solitude. And I don’t only mean when you find yourself lonely in the present; even past moments of loneliness can help you understand things about yourself. First of all, it requires strength to face lonely moments and still be able to keep going. The best thing to do is to ‘transform’ past loneliness into a learning experience, and current loneliness into a productive solitude. In my previous blog, I discussed the importance and the benefits that we can derive from solitude. Choosing to spend some time alone helps us learn more about ourselves and the world and society around us. We can choose to learn from negative experiences in our lives as much as we do from positive ones.

Our whole life is a giant learning curve. Usually, during difficult times we tend to get discouraged, lose heart or faith, and wonder how we’re going to be able to go on with life normally. After the hards times pass, we prefer not to talk about them, and preferably not to remember them at all. I do not think that that’s the best option for us; I strongly believe that at a personally suitable time, we should all go back and revisit our hard moments, and realise the strength it required for us to endure what we did. Then, we make that strength a part of us. Telling your story WITH the hardships you passed is far more healthy and powerful than telling a ‘perfectly polished’ narrative with no mistakes and no bumps along the road. More often than not, we do not realise the full strength within ourselves, and that’s what induces hesitation in everyone’s hearts when it comes to sharing and accepting personally conquered experiences. The strength that I have been discussing comes from hours spent in solitude, searching and recognising personal potential.

You can either be lonely or in solitude. One is a destructive state where we might find ourselves every now and then, not knowing how we even got to be there in the first place. The latter is a state we choose to bestow upon ourselves, in order to emotionally or mentally ‘serve’ our individuality. So, next time you may find yourself feeling lonely, just think that the time you spend by yourself is a gift that can help you towards growth, character formation, mental strength, and personal stability. Throughout our busy and loud days, it is very easy to find a much needed quiet place where we are not to be disturbed, but it is difficult to find some quiet time we can use productively. I consider my meditation and reflection time a true blessing, and try to cherish and is every moment of it, as long as it lasts. The process of ‘finding’ yourself in solitude is a beautiful one, and once you do reach that point, you will always want to have some time to be alone throughout the day ;)

‘Till next time…