Does Loneliness Bring Awareness? (part 1)

I was discussing this topic with someone a couple of days ago, and we were talking about how little importance people put on knowing themselves. It is a vital procedure that takes time, patience, discovery, and strength; but the more you do it, the more helpful it becomes. You get to discover your strengths, weaknesses, triggers to certain behaviours, reactions to internal and external stimuli, and much more about how you as a unique individual function. Knowing yourself as best possible helps in making gravely important decisions, it helps as a guide book through life’s difficulties and obstacles, helps you better interact with people and become a stronger and better version of yourself. All these self-discoveries are made in a time of solitude and meditation (call it what you will); just be careful in knowing that there’s a thin line between healthy solitude and destructive loneliness, as they’re not the same thing.

The process, as I mentioned before, is a difficult one; we need to strip ourselves from what we perceive ‘us’ to be, and after a long look in the mirror, we should strive towards the creation of a realistic view of our character and being. The truth that reality bears is not always easy to look at, and it’s even more difficult to accept; but, once we take it in to be a part of us, then everything else in our lives becomes that much easier. So far, I have mentioned that this process includes a lot of time in solitude and meditation so that we can peacefully analyse and understand ourselves. However, in order to be able to ‘put yourself under the microscope’, you need to have interacted with people first. You need to know and be aware of how you behave and react, how you function in social settings, so that later on, you can improve upon the wonderful being that you are.

Let me explain some simple terms used in social psychology to describe what I’m talking about. Self-image, as Courtney Ackerman clearly explains, is “is how an individual sees him- or herself, and it does not necessarily have to align with reality”. So, this is what we perceive ourselves to be; it’s not necessarily always a positive (or negative) view we have of ourselves, but as stated before, it’s not always necessarily realistic. Then, there’s what we know as self-awareness, “the quality or trait that involves conscious awareness of one’s own thoughts, feelings, behaviours, and traits”. This is what I’m trying to encourage us to better explore; being aware of who we are and how we behave. Only, being aware is not enough, as we need to also accept what we know to be true and a part of us. This is where a third term comes into place, which is known as self-concept. Now, this is “an idea of the self-constructed from the beliefs one holds about oneself and the responses of others”, which means that it goes one step further and interlaces individual behaviours and responses in accordance with social ‘reply’. Yet, there’s a ‘catch’ here as well; “self-concept does not always align with reality. When it does, our self-concept is ‘congruent’. When it doesn’t, our self-concept is ‘incongruent’.”

So, it all goes down to having the ability and strength to be as realistic as possible during this ‘self-evaluation’. Simply put, there’s a necessary transition we should go through, from self-image to self-awareness, in order to reach a congruent self-concept of ourselves. Acknowledging mistakes, strengths, weaknesses, struggles, and talents is a confusing and delicate ‘procedure’ which takes time, above all else. Peeling layers from a complex armour we all create throughout life, requires patience and endurance. Defence mechanisms we create, how we distance ourselves from certain situations or people, our denial towards certain facts; these are all walls we need to tear down, in order to reveal to ourselves the hidden essence of our unique being. Strive to know yourself, discover who you are, accept what you find, and love who you become. It is a beautiful thing, knowing yourself better, and it is a process that never stops, nor ceases to amaze. Personally, I’m trying to continue to discover and accept more of myself, and every day it intrigues me more and more.

‘Till next time…

---

References:

Ackerman, C. (2018). Positivepsychologyprogramcom. Retrieved 13 May, 2019, from https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/self-concept/