When Self-Care Feels Like a Chore

In a world where we are constantly reminded to “take care of ourselves,” the reality is often much more complicated than it sounds. We are bombarded with messages about self-care—from Instagram influencers looking to “sell” to us the latest mindfulness trends, to health experts preaching about sleep and exercise. Yet, for many of us, taking care of ourselves is not as simple as lighting a candle or drinking a cup of tea. It’s a silent struggle, one that can feel overwhelming, difficult to achieve, and at times, downright impossible.

Self-care is often portrayed as something we should find easy or even indulgent. Social media sells the idea that if we simply set aside time for a bubble bath or treat ourselves to a spa day, we’ll magically feel better. But real self-care is not about those fleeting moments of escape; it’s about confronting our deeper needs and habits.

The truth is, maintaining your physical, emotional, and mental well-being requires effort and intentionality, often in ways that don't fit into the glamorous Instagram model of self-care. It’s difficult to choose healthy food over comfort food when you're exhausted, to get up for an early morning workout when you’re emotionally drained, or to prioritise mental rest when work or family demands never seem to stop.

One of the reasons self-care is so hard is because we often don’t realise we’re neglecting ourselves until it catches up with us. We push through exhaustion, anxiety, or stress, convincing ourselves that “we’ll deal with it later”—after the project is done, when things calm down a bit, or after we’ve met everyone else’s needs. But “later” often turns into never, and the emotional toll accumulates.

Neglecting self-care manifests in subtle but powerful ways: feeling constantly on edge, lacking patience, becoming overwhelmed by tasks that used to feel manageable. It’s as though we’re running on an empty tank but expecting ourselves to keep going without ever refuelling. But why is it so hard to take care of ourselves?

1. We Don’t Prioritise It

Many of us are conditioned to put others first—whether it’s family, friends, or work responsibilities. In trying to be everything to everyone else, our own needs get pushed to the bottom of the list. We may even feel guilty for wanting time for ourselves, as if it's selfish to rest or seek joy outside of our duties.

2. We’re Afraid to Slow Down

Today’s culture celebrates busyness. Taking time off can feel like failure or laziness, especially when we see others around us constantly moving. Slowing down or taking a break is often equated with falling behind.

3. We Don’t Know What We Need

True self-care goes beyond surface-level acts of relaxation. It requires self-awareness. What do we actually need in moments of stress or burnout? For some, it might be a day of complete rest. For others, it might be setting boundaries or seeking emotional support. Recognising and addressing these deeper needs takes introspection, which is often difficult and uncomfortable.

4. Emotional Labor and Guilt

We may feel pressure to maintain appearances of stability and success, even when we're struggling. Asking for help can seem like a weakness, or worse, an imposition on others. The emotional labor of maintaining everything often keeps us from seeking the help or break we actually need.

The irony of self-care is that it can often feel like just another item on our already overwhelming to-do list. Have you ever scheduled in time for "self-care" only to feel more stressed because it became another thing you needed to “do”? You might feel pressure to keep up with some idealised version of self-care that doesn’t really address your personal needs. This can turn what should be a restorative practice into a source of frustration or even shame.

Taking care of yourself is not a one-size-fits-all formula. It requires personal reflection and a willingness to listen to your own mind and body. Sometimes, self-care is hard because it demands things we aren’t used to giving ourselves—patience, self-compassion, space to rest without guilt.

Here are some gentle reminders for when self-care feels unattainable:

1. Start Small

Self-care doesn't have to be an elaborate ritual. It can be as simple as taking 10 minutes to breathe deeply, drink a glass of water, or take a walk. Small, consistent acts of care can have a significant impact. The key here is to be consistent, because as I mentioned earlier, simply taking a walk or drinking water once in a while, doesn’t do much for you in the long run; the aim is to create and maintain healthy habits.

2. Redefine What Care Means for You

For some, self-care means setting boundaries and saying "no" to commitments that drain their energy. For others, it might mean seeking therapy or a trusted friend to process emotions. It might also mean creating habits that recharge your batteries (a tip here is to not start and try more than 2 things/changes at once, seeing as this might affect motivation if you cannot maintain a long list of things you want to start doing). Take time to reflect on what you need, rather than what others suggest.

3. Allow Imperfection

You don’t have to “get it right” every time. Taking care of yourself is a learning process, and some days will be easier than others. Be gentle with yourself when you fall short; the goal is progress, not perfection.

4. It’s Okay to Ask for Help

One of the hardest aspects of self-care is recognising when you can’t do it alone. Whether it’s talking to a friend, seeking professional help, or simply asking for support in your daily life, taking care of yourself doesn’t have to be a journey you undertake alone.

Taking care of yourself is not a single event, it’s a process. It’s about developing habits that sustain you in the long term, not just quick fixes to get through the week. It's acknowledging that your needs matter, even in the face of life's chaos.

And, most importantly, it’s recognising that the path to self-care is often imperfect, filled with starts and stops. But that’s okay. The journey is part of the care.

In the end, taking care of yourself may be difficult, but it is also deeply necessary. You deserve to be nurtured, not just by others, but by yourself as well. Taking the time and space to care for your body, mind, and soul isn't a luxury—it's an act of survival in a world that often pulls you in a hundred different directions.

‘Till next time…